silence.

an entire day. we've spent an entire day in silence.

and I say nothing
1) because I am always the one to initiate and I'd like to know how long it will take him to say something
2) because I am not sorry. I do not regret what I said. He is being inconsiderate of my feelings.

I'm getting the overwhelming feeling that we'll just remain in silence for weeks until someone changes their relationship status.

*sigh*  i am so sick of this

cancer

I don't care what anyone says, no one will understand what it is like to have a loved one go through cancer unless it has happened to them.

I don't care how many books or movies you've seen about cancer or how many relatives you've had who died from cancer before you were born. It will never be anywhere close. You will never get how it feels. especially at my age. no one my age understands what i'm going through. no one gets that this affects me every single day. that i want to be able to talk to someone about it every single day. someone that I can really trust with my emotions. I don't feel like I can trust as many people as i used to be able to.

i'm so distant from everyone and everything. my roommate and i don't have a good relationship. the people i am closest too are the farthest away and we don't talk enough. the ones that are here don't get it. my schedule is about to get very busy. and i'll be a little more distracted. i won't be thinking about it as often. and yet i know that because i'm more busy, i won't be talking about it as much and i'll just cry and cry. and explode.