Day 3

No training today, thank god.

Basically I spent the whole day bumming around until Zabes picked me up to go grocery shopping. I bought 3 weeks worth of food, though it feels like I only got 1 weeks worth. We'll see if my food supply can last me until the first week of September. September already? wow time moves so fast.

I was supposed to meet this tinder guy at Walmart. Australian, his name is Declan, idk how he ended up in Blono for 5 months but he did and he's not in school he does some sort of racing. We ended up not running into each other. I'm kinda glad. It would have been super weird.

Zabes and I unpacked the car, and then jetted off towards bingo. Watterson move-in made everything difficult with all the road closures. And we ended up not winning any rounds, but we had a good time. I got a pretzel and a taco, she got the nacho supreme. It was delicious- and fairly cheap too.

Day 2

I went to training part 2. It was boring as per usual, but thankfully not as long as it normally is. I got my new student manager shirts. They look really cool, however, the Medium is a little small. I can't tell if its because I have a long torso or because I'm well endowed and have a pot belly- things I hope to eradicate during my new workout regime.

Here are the classes I am going to take during my first week

Yoga
Athletic Yoga
Restorative Yoga

Cycle
Enduroride
Blacklight ride
High Intensity Interval Training Ride

Ballet Barre
Zumba

I want to be this DD cup once and for all. I am sick of not being able to fit into tops or dresses because of my boobs, of having to buy new bras constantly because I keep gaining weight. NO MORE! I want to be thin again and I am going to work for it. We don't have a scale in our apartment anymore (it was Kara's. pff. figures) which I think is a good thing. That way I won't be so focused on how much I weigh, but how good I feel.


Also I accidentally went on a date today. My friend Aaron and I have been flirty ever since we met, but this is my first time without a boyfriend. I thought it might be a date but I wasn't sure. The more time we spent together, the more I realized he thought it was a date, and I didn't like that idea. He invited himself over to my apartment- twice. He didn't say thank you when I payed for dinner and his jokes were, frankly,  lame. Thankfully he works a lot so it will be a while before he is able to hangout with me anyway. I'll clear up the date stuff next time. I had to pretend to be tired so he would go home. yeah. pathetic.

Day 1: part 2

the train was almost an hour late. I met a self-proclaimed hussler named Pee-wee. I can't make this stuff up. He was actually incredibly insightful. It was nice to talk to him, even if he did talk for way too long and his conversations weren't exactly focused. One thing he said which really struck me- start teaching 2nd and 3rd graders about the law- not about government, but about the law, as a way to create better law abiding citizens for the future. Fascinating stuff.

the cute boy on the train was a dead end. Once he started talking to his friend, he seemed like a dousche.

I got back with an hour to spare. Ran home, quick showered, and had to walk the 20 minutes to Linkins dining center. Bleh. Needless to say I was sweaty by the time I got there. I spent 4 hours 1) outcast by my fellow student managers. I was utterly alone for most of the process 2) listening to stupid crap that I consider common sense: "don't cut your finger off, don't be an idiot, don't be a dick to other people"

I have another day of training today. This session is 5 hours long. I am hoping that it will end early like yesterday's did.

Aaron and I ended up rescheduling our ice cream. We were both exhausted. I took a nap almost as soon as I got back from training.
Zabes and I watched Austenland which is a hilarious movie.  It's so campy and dumb but its funny. "talley-ho!"

I cried for a bit. I miss my mom. I am frustrated. Zabes called me pretentious and a jerk. Both of which are true, but it hurts to hear it. I kinda hate myself. I know that this is why I am taking time away from guys. I have to learn to love myself.  But so far, this has been a difficult process.

I had a dream last night- along with a bunch of strange theatrics, I saw my mom's best friend Cheryl, and I gave her a hug and just sobbed. It was nice to see her, and it was nice to cry. Sometimes I think I grieve more in my dreams than in real life.

Day 1 of this new chapter.

I wonder how many posts I have started like this,

today is the first day of a new chapter of my life.
but this time, I really mean it.

Chris and I broke up after 11 months of dating. My choice. After my mom's death I decided I needed some time to myself to re-evalute my life and what makes me happy. I figured this would be faster than journaling and I often have the desire to type for long periods of time so I might as well start up my blog again.

Day 1 of my new self

Today I was up early, 4:45am to be exact, to catch a train back to Normal. I have already moved all my stuff into my apartment, but I don't have a parking space so I had to drive my car to and from Normal so that I could unload my stuff and still get to Normal in time. The train is currently stopped in Joliet. There is a cute boy sitting across the aisle from me. He is nice to look at, though I know I look disgusting since I haven't showered in 2 days. I also hear the sound of children running and playing, as well as smelling the savory scent of pepperoni pizza. Someone must have gotten something from the lounge car. The train is supposed to arrive in Normal in 1 hour. Right now, I don't think that will happen. I do hope that it gets in sooner rather than later. I have my APL training at 11 and I would like to eat something before I go. Yes, I did have breakfast, but that was a 5am! I'm bound to be hungry again by then.

In the meantime, I shall talk about my goals for the next semester

-get myself out of Honors probation
- rejoin Food Recovery Network
- do well in my classes (maybe audit a spanish class?)
- get super fit. like workout 3-4 days a week. I have to make up for the exercise I was getting from dance class
- spend more time with my roommates and my friends
- flirt a little (c'mon guys. its me. I can't not flirt. I just won't make any commitments as of now)


Here is what I plan to do with the rest of my day:

finish up this train ride
eat (hopefully)
go to APL student manager training for like 6 hours (I better get paid for training)
Have ice cream with Aaron
Hang out with Zabes

P.s. This cute boy is very very cute... ;)