Musical Theatre

Musical theatre had always been my dream. not broadway persay, but just performing. I love it. I love it so much.
then I performed for my peers who i've worked with before, on a 32 bar cut of a song, no bid deal right? I FREAKED out. and my friend said "if you can't perform for us, you won't be able to do it for an audition" and he's right. and I switched my major to undecided. I started considering other options, Sociology, ASL. who knows? Yesterday I watched myself in the musical theatre revue DVD. My solo song- BOMBED. when i was in a group of 3, i was fine and adorable. but he was right. i love theatre. but i shouldn't make it my career. maybe i'll own a theatre one day. i'd like that.
i'm starting to lose my theatre passion. maybe because i'm going to college. maybe because i'm starting to grasp the reality of it all. maybe because i'm worn down and it's become work, not enjoyable. (also because i'm not friends with any of the theatre kids because it's cutthroat plus i'm weird and don't make friends like a normal person. i happen upon them as opposed to trying to form friendships)
I'm in a play, shakespeare. and i'm applying to direct another one. am i just going to burn out? if i get to be a director, will i hate my cast? my play? the process? will i come to be this horrible legend of the evil director? or maybe it'll be great. maybe it'll be different once i'm directing. (that being another area i'd like to explore)
and what if i don't get to be a director? will it be the huge load off that i'm looking for?

I don't know what's going on with my life right now. i'm so confused. i feel like i need to sleep for 2 weeks. wake up. and i'll just know.

if only it were that simple.