I'm starting to realize how crappy this new computer really is. The internet is super slow and impractical. However, it is still really great for writing. It is perfect. It makes me want to write!! I really like writing. I feel inspired to write. either is stupid netbook or a yellow legal pad. yes. :D
its moments like this when I'm not sure whether or not I'm going down the right life path. Is theatre where i should be? I mean, I really do love it. but what if i could make a career writing? and then I think "I have only one idea, that is not a career. plus my one idea might not make it ANYWHERE."
I still haven't made up my mind about this. I feel like I'm not getting a strong enough support system from my friends and loved ones for it to be good. I feel like everyone is secretly telling me that my idea is stupid and I shouldn't pursue it and whatever.
bluh....
Friday, December 28, 2012
Thursday, December 27, 2012
New little computer and maybe a book?
I recently rediscovered this slightly impractical but just as adorable tiny laptop computer. its the size of a large book. I'm thinking of bringing it to school with me so i can type notes during my classes and this way I won't have to lug around my heavy and slightly dated laptop. It makes me want to write. You'd think that the smaller keyboard would keep me from wanting to use this piece of crap that take who knows how many hours to reach full battery, but alas, i find myself attached to it. It's like my version of a typewriter. I know that sounds silly. This is still a laptop, it is a computer. It is not an old piece of machinery. However, there is something about it that simply appeals to me. *sigh* i love it. its mine. :)
a book.
i'm considering writing a book.
not a novel, but a book for people who don't really read
a compilation of the several hundred amusing thoughts that pop into my head on a daily basis. this such as:
is it illegal to paint your car police car colors?
how can you tell the difference between an *i'm tired sigh* *i'm frustrated sigh* and an *i'm relaxed sigh* when typing?
why invented the peanut butter and jelly combination?
s
things like that. after telling this idea to a few people, i can't tell if it is genius or stupid. some people really like it. they read a few of my pages and they laugh and thing its funny. and i start thinking about how i could actually get the published and make some money off of it! (if all goes extremely well)
then i talk to other people like my sister or my dad and they're like "hmm.. sounds interesting" and when i ask "do you think its a good idea? an idea to get serious about?" they usually say something like "do it for you. make yourself happy" which really isn't encouraging.
i've come to realize they my parents haven't really been all that encouraging during my youth. if i wanted to pursue something like music or singing, they would come to my shows and tell me its great and whatever. but they would always be really realistic about everything. theatre to them was a hobby. and maybe they hated my shows. but i saw a drama workshop recently and there was a scene when this mom picks up her daughter after a dance recital and is telling her how talented she, and how proud of her she is. my parents have probably said things like that but i never really felt it. they were just giving me a line.
i watched a home video today and i was reminded of how loud and expressive my older brother and sister were. i was considered the shy child. and i think they're singing and dancing and fashion shows or whatever they would put on would always push me further and further into the background. I did theatre and music because my sister did and fell in love with it.however, i was never as good as emma. i didn't amount to as much. even at our 2012 christmas party, my sister got up to sing and everyone was so amazed. "shes so talented. to be that sick and to be that talented. shes so good" whatever. but i'm still not thought of as that person. the theatre person, the music person. if i become the writer, i steal my brother's thunder and ruin his life further. (he's not stable at the moment)
I know i should just please myself but i really don't know what to do. i can't help but want to please other people. and i just feel like i'm never good enough for my family.*sigh*
enough pity ranting.
Happy new year everyone
a book.
i'm considering writing a book.
not a novel, but a book for people who don't really read
a compilation of the several hundred amusing thoughts that pop into my head on a daily basis. this such as:
is it illegal to paint your car police car colors?
how can you tell the difference between an *i'm tired sigh* *i'm frustrated sigh* and an *i'm relaxed sigh* when typing?
why invented the peanut butter and jelly combination?
s
things like that. after telling this idea to a few people, i can't tell if it is genius or stupid. some people really like it. they read a few of my pages and they laugh and thing its funny. and i start thinking about how i could actually get the published and make some money off of it! (if all goes extremely well)
then i talk to other people like my sister or my dad and they're like "hmm.. sounds interesting" and when i ask "do you think its a good idea? an idea to get serious about?" they usually say something like "do it for you. make yourself happy" which really isn't encouraging.
i've come to realize they my parents haven't really been all that encouraging during my youth. if i wanted to pursue something like music or singing, they would come to my shows and tell me its great and whatever. but they would always be really realistic about everything. theatre to them was a hobby. and maybe they hated my shows. but i saw a drama workshop recently and there was a scene when this mom picks up her daughter after a dance recital and is telling her how talented she, and how proud of her she is. my parents have probably said things like that but i never really felt it. they were just giving me a line.
i watched a home video today and i was reminded of how loud and expressive my older brother and sister were. i was considered the shy child. and i think they're singing and dancing and fashion shows or whatever they would put on would always push me further and further into the background. I did theatre and music because my sister did and fell in love with it.however, i was never as good as emma. i didn't amount to as much. even at our 2012 christmas party, my sister got up to sing and everyone was so amazed. "shes so talented. to be that sick and to be that talented. shes so good" whatever. but i'm still not thought of as that person. the theatre person, the music person. if i become the writer, i steal my brother's thunder and ruin his life further. (he's not stable at the moment)
I know i should just please myself but i really don't know what to do. i can't help but want to please other people. and i just feel like i'm never good enough for my family.*sigh*
enough pity ranting.
Happy new year everyone
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