I got cranky

I got cranky.
I was tired. didn't get enough sleep.
and it doesn't help that it is that time of the month
and that I was forced into a room with 60 loud and proud theatre kids who all know each other sine birth and i have to pretend like i am comfortable enough with this kind of atmosphere, an atmosphere in which i feel almost voiceless, because its for my new job.
thankfully this was an all employee day, so i won't be working with the majority of these people on a daily basis. but still. being an introvert is hard. i get anxious and overwhelmed. in large groups of people with big personalities i immediately take a back seat. i shine in smaller groups.
so it's not surprising that I wanted to cry when i got in the car, came home, scratched my mom's car, even better, and then ate a bunch of chocolate.
three ghiradelli squares, a chocolate egg and 3 whoppers.
and later a bowl of sugary cereal.
and then half a bowl of popcorn.

i don't want to give up on this diet. I don't. but i'm getting upset that I haven't been exercising enough, and my mom isn't home yet, and I won't get to talk to her about getting our treadmill until tuesday really and I only have like 20 days left. and i just bought a shirt with a puckering button because i knew i could do this. and we don't have enough healthy food in the house. and neither does my boyfriend's house. and he's always busy with work or his friends. or when he's not busy he's tired from whatever. so he comes over and the first thing he does is basically nap on my couch while watching tv. i'm sorry. but if you have to get up at 6am for work, try going to bed earlier than 12. i won't have you sleeping on my time.

and so i was having a rough evening and tried to call, but of course he doesn't answer, and he doesn't call back because he never does. He sees I called, assumes its not important, or doesn't see his phone until he leaves. at most he'll text me saying he's about to go to bed. like thanks for not talking to me all day and then saying goodbye. jerkface. sigh. its not all his fault either. i just wanted some reassurance.

ugh. okay. i was supposed to go to bed like 90 minutes ago. and i'm already running on steam. and i have to wake up in like 7 hours. yeah. bye.