24 days

sometimes i have to remind myself that you love me, because you sometimes suck at expressing yourself. or rather, you don't do it very often.

and especially now when you are so busy and I am so not busy and with nothing to fill my time. i get lonely and sad and wish i could talk to you about all the things i need to talk to you about.

and I'll text you with a problem but you'll be too busy to answer, and when you finally get back to me, you didn't notice or remember whatever i was upset about and you never ask if i'm okay or how it went.  and that in itself upsets me.

i'm only 24 days away from you now, which is so great. We're closer by the minutes. and yet I still never feel like you miss me like i miss you. and here we are back and the internal/external conflict.

i feel so lonely all the time because i don't feel that you miss me when we're so far away. you're so busy with homework and with your caravan of friends having a great time. and i'm sitting around doing nothing feeling miserable that i don't really have very many friends and that you, my number one priority, is so far away.

you're still my first priority. you've shifted yours. for you its friends, then school then me. and i get that they are important too, i know. but i feel pushed to the side. you're always too busy to call, or too busy to talk for more than 5 minutes. it feels like too busy to care sometimes. to show me that you care.

and maybe once you get back that all will change, you'll be away from your school and your friends and all you'll have is me and we can be together again. and you can be my world and i can be yours. because we both know, all i've ever had was you. but you have had so much more than me. </3