You drive me crazy

you never go out of your way to do something for me just because you wanted to. Yet i do that all the time, with letters, with phone calls and voicemail messages you never return. and all the things i plan on doing over winter break. you never plan anything. you never want to plan anything. and is it so horrible to want a surprise now and then. to want to know that you took time out of your day to plan out a meal or an outing or a something. and often when i bring this up, because we know this hasn't been the first time, you say "but i called you back" or "i gave you chocolates on valentines day" something lame that shouldn't count as a plus 2 on the boyfriend scale. something that is clearly stated in every relationship ever but you didn't get. and you're proud of yourself and i sit here wondering if he'll ever do anything without me asking him.
i asked for a gift for valentines day and i asked for chocolates. all you did was buy them. thats nothing.
4 weeks ago i sent him a box full of goodies and a 30 page long letter for his half birthday and our 16 month anniversary.
it was my half birthday yesterday. he said early on he'd send me something back in that box. He sent me a one page letter that was half-assed. a copy of what i had sent him in a text. and 2 sentences about his "busy week".

fuck that. i spent 2 weeks writing 30 pages. of what i was doing, what i was up to, how things were going, anything that ever crossed my mind was written down and sent to him. and i did it because 1. i dont have many friends so i have a lot of extra time on my hands 2. because thats what i would want him to do for me.

but i got 1 page in return. one.

and i have an audition tomorrow for the spring semester. when i had a panic attack and was stressing out, instead of him giving me a call, or even a heart-felt text he says "relax. it'll be fine". in general, that's not a bad thing to say. but i'm freaking out, and all i get it "relax". ugh

YOU DRIVE ME CRAZY