I'm not an actor. I'm not a performer. Not to say I don't perform, I do. I take acting classes, a dance class, choir, and voice lessons. I wish I was taking piano lessons and some more dance classes. but I'm still not a performer.
All the theatre kids I know talk about how when they were kids they took years of dance classes or loved to be on stage or loved to be the center of attention. I liked having attention - I'm the youngest child, but i distinctly remember anytime they needed a kid volunteer- specifically at magic shows, I would hide. I would get out of my seat and curl up in a ball on the floor. I was terrified. I hated the idea of being up in front of everyone and I still do. I love performing when you can't see the audience. A curtain of black blanketing the threat to my abilities. and I feel terrible about it- because it's what I love to do and I'm good at it.
but breath supports and general fears just stand in my way- a stupid brick wall I keep ramming up against- like a stupid persistent ram (pun intended).
Logistically, I should apply to my schools as general education. it makes sense. I'd have more acceptances. I'd have more options. more time to decide. there are other things I can see myself doing with my life. It doesn't have to be theatre. I could write, or work for Bride's magazine or be a teacher or a homemaker or a nurse- who knows? Maybe I'll open up a pizzeria or a pie bakery. My life is what I make of it, right? then why am I so scared to try something else?
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