When i'm upset I gorge myself with chocolate or other feel good foods.
like popcorn
or mashed potatoes
or stuffing
or soup.
and when I say gorge, I mean GORGE. I'm currently in a "fight" with my boyfriend and I ate ice cream and whoppers and Reese's pieces and a ghiradelli square and a york peppermint patty and a piece of fudge. (I also learned that if you eat a lot of different sources of chocolate quickly, it loses the chocolate taste- especially since they're all different types of chocolate). and all after I had Ramen when I came home yea. i'm fat.
i'm not a fat person. I'm tall, 5'8". but i'm a theatre person so i'm not really that physically active and I don't take care of myself AT ALL. (I had actually proposed an idea to myself once when I couldn't fall asleep, to spend one entire week just eating fruits and vegetables. no sweets. no carbs. nothing. just fruits and veggies. just to clean out my system. plus, i'm lactose intolerant and it would be good to lay off the dairy for a while. I don't take care of myself in that sense either.)
okay back to my physical being, I'm pretty tall. but not very healthy. at all. but i hate when, my boyfriend especially say that I'm skinny. specifically when he talks about my "lack of stomach". I have a gut. not especially pronounced, but I know how to hide it pretty well. and sometimes if i'm laying down or just ate a lot, you could say i looked pregnant. I carry more extra weight then people realize. Idk- but the compliment just highlights my insecurities. and i don't like feeling insecure. no one does really.
so I'm leaving for the doctor soon to make sure I don't have mono ( i hope not... [is it weird that part of me is hoping that i do 1. so i can be sick and stay home 2.so my boyfriend will have to suffer too] ). i feel like shit for eating all the chocolate. part of me feels like I probably deserved the pain. idk.
boys are stupid. doctors are stupid. teenagers are stupid.
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