Jo March

Little Women. I love this movie. Winona Ryder. Susan Sarandon. You cannot go wrong. I love this movie. I have seen it many a time and it never gets old. It's classic. and for very good reason. The original book, written by Louisa May Alcott is still in printing after 144 years! at least I'm pretty sure it still is. I saw it in a bookstore not too long ago. (but that doesn't necessarily mean its been in printing this whole time).
I would really like to read the book. I read half of the abridged version once, which is totally not the same. It's one of those classics that I feel really needs to be read. Like all those Jane Austen books. I know that I need to read Pride and Prejudice. and Sense and Sensibility. but I never have. partly because I am lazy. partly because I do not read for leisure, at least, not very often. I should do it more often. All I do is sit on the computer or watch T.V. or play games on my iPhone. Less screen time would do me some good.
But if i'm using that screen time for writing like I am now, in a more constructive matter, than I don't think it's so bad, right?
but as of right now I am merely dumping out the thoughts in my head onto the blank white canvas that is this blog. There be no rhyme or reason. I wish i could write. Like really write. Write something that could get published. but the problem is i haven't been writing, I've been blogging. I've been thought-dumping, I've been mind clearing. which i need. I don't talk to many people. I don't have many close friends. This is my place to go to express myself. at least for the time being.
okay i need to write. like actually write. the best thing to write about is what you know. and i've been through a lot of hardship. but how to write that into a novel....oh god Beth March just died. I hate this part.
I've been through a separation. and getting back together. for four years I've woken up everyday to my sister being sick even though she should be in college. She should have finished college by now actually. My dad had a seizure that sent him to the hospital. My mom was diagnosed with cervical cancer. I've had a lot to go through. and I've held onto all of it. maybe because it gives me something to be sad about. maybe because I've never dealt with things like this before in my life so I don't know how to let go of all the pain and all the sadness. but i think the truth is, it never goes away. It will always be part of my journey. and i will always carry it with me. but as time goes on, it gets smaller and smaller. My parents separating is a mere pebble now. but my sister having P.O.T.S. and my mom having cancer are still huge cinder blocks i'm dragging behind me.

I will write it. I'll write it to get it off my back. I'll write to externalize it. and maybe i'll have it published. and if not published, than at least printed and bound. i'll put it on a bookshelf and leave it behind me. or give it to someone I love, who will be able to carry the burden for me, with me.