Dear Boyfriend,
please call me. please skype me. please make an effort to hear my voice everyday.
I don't know if you know, but I cry all the time because you can't talk on the phone (won't is more like it) or because you can't skype. it breaks my heart, it really does. I want you to want to call me on the phone. to have a moment to yourself and think, "this is when i should call my girlfriend. I love her and i miss her"
You don't get how much i miss you. how much I NEED to hear your voice everyday. It is painful enough to be so far away from you. I don't need you stop talking to me. We just talked on the phone for a half an hour and it wasn't enough. I need hours. I need days. just to make it seem like maybe I could open my door and you'd be there with a hug and a bouquet of flowers. (not that you would buy me flowers. or could afford them. not that i am passing judgement)
I know you are busy. and i'm busy too. we have classes and homework and friends. you have more friends than me- and hang out with them more. i like to be by myself and watch tv and listen to music. and part of that is because i'm a lazy friend. I always want to be invited places. also because I dont feel like going out more than I do. so when my friends want to watch movies in my room, they are totally welcome. I'm getting off topic.
I love you. i really do. and i would love it if you could be a little bit more romantic. if you could send me drawings and stickers and packages like I do. If you could do things like write cute things about me. and you once said to me, "you say more things than you do" referring to how much I love him. and maybe that's true. but I am a very verbal person. I find that words have a great power to impact people. and he's not a very verbal/talkative/smooth-worded kind of guy. and thats okay. yin to my yang. :) i just wish he would see that talking is important to me. and especially when we're this far away, the option for action is VERY limited. there are no hugs or kisses. there are letters. and texts. and skype and phone calls. all of the "doing" has become talking. and I understand being busy, but i feel like there needs to be more effort!! you can't just rest back on your loins and say "oh don't worry. it'll all be fine." i won't be able to see you, and get that one on one time i really need with you. talking is all i get, so we have to make it count.
i miss you so much. and you just dont seem to be phased. you say you miss me. i kinda see it. you say you love me more, now that can't be true because you barely talk to me unless i ask you to. if you were so interested in "doing" things in this relationship, then why havent you sent me a letter yet. or even written me one. god damn it. reach out to me like im reaching out to you!
and maybe that makes me sad. and maybe that makes me pathetic. and maybe this means that I am too dependent on you. well even though i'm crying. that doesnt mean i cant get out of bed. that doesnt mean i dont go to class, or see my friends occasionally. it doesnt mean i dont eat or talk or socialize or do my homework. i just know how to better prioritize my time to include you in my life. you're not a once a week thing to me. you're an every minute of every day thing to me. I love you. and last i checked, so do you. so start acting like it! send me a text. give me a call.
I wrote this letter a while ago. I wish all of those things were still true. It was a lack of effort and communication on his part along with an already flawed relationship that caused this relationship to fail just recently. But he's not the guy i want him to be. I need someone different. who will treat me right. who i want to treat right back, as opposed to me feeling forced to do things for him. that's not right. not at all.
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